Unity
by Neflanthir
Summary: Sequel to Light Restored. Content Warning, depressive themes. HaoXYoh plus other slight pairings Oneshot


Well, I certainly had no idea the ending for LR would cause so many problems… I hope I didn't really make anyone cry. At least DragonStorm85 agreed that it was fitting, I thought it worked much better than just having everything go perfectly.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed LR, it's much appreciated. I had no intention of writing a sequel at all, but since so many of you wanted one, I gave it a lot of thought, and have come up with something that should work. I'll write a happier ending this time, well, I'll try anyway, depends how sadistic I feel.

Anyway, time to get on. Hope you all enjoy. Please review!

* * *

Blackness, but not how it was, not how it should be; this isn't the same as before, but it should be, shouldn't it? Also, how could I have seen what Hao did, we're not meant to be separate, I'm not supposed to exist. I can understand why he did it, but it was still wrong. I can't believe Ren was the one to talk him into it though. I know that Ren was like that, but he changed, he realised that the way he had been taught was wrong, so why? I don't understand what's going on, nothing is how it should be, why has everything changed? Hey, what's that noise? 

"You think he'll wake up?"

I should know that voice…

"Who knows? It's only been a few months, so I wouldn't worry too much."

That voice is familiar too.

"I wonder why he did it? It isn't like him at all."

Who are all these people? Where are they? Are they talking about me? They can't be, can they? But they do seem to be. Come to think of it, it feels like I'm in my body as normal, how can that be? None of this makes sense at all…and where is Hao? I can't sense him at all. Hao wouldn't leave me alone, he meant what he said, I know he did… What is going on? Someone, explain to me what's going on, please?

"He moved; the lazy fool is finally going to wake up."

Anna? No, Anna hates us both, she's dead, I saw it happen. But it was her voice…

"You sure? I didn't see anything." That's Horo Horo, but why are they with me? Where is niisan?

"Yes I'm sure. Are you actually stupid enough to question me?" Yup, it's definitely Anna. Great…

"Mo ii…" Oh-oh…I think I said that out loud…

"Yoh-dono? Daijoubu desu ka?" My ever-faithful spirit, but something has changed, he seems, weaker, like before I went with Hao. This is getting stranger and stranger…

"Where is Hao?" My voice is anxious, frightened even, I'm not awake enough to hide the fact I don't want to be here without him. They don't seem to notice though. Why-

"Yoh, I don't know what you were dreaming about, but Hao is dead, you killed him yourself, remember?"

Ren is serious…but… "What do you mean, what I dreamt?

"You don't remember? You've been in a coma for the last three months Yoh."

A coma? But why would I-Oh. I tried to…I'm in big trouble then. Wait, that means, everything that happened, Hao coming back, the tournament, none of it was real? I imagined everything? I don't believe it…

"Yoh-kun…" Faust is nervous, so there can only be one question coming. "Why did you, hurt yourself?"

Three months and a little hint and they still can't figure it out? I was depressed, duh. Was? No, I am depressed. I killed my own brother for pity's sake! Can't you see anything wrong with that? Idiots…absolute, complete, idiotic fools. Wow, when did I start thinking like that? Oh well, never mind, maybe not everything was imagined, I'm not the same 'sappy idiot' everyone expects me to be. Oh, they're all waiting for me to answer, aren't they? Now, should I answer them or should I ignore them? I just can't decide…

"Yoh." Ren is too demanding…

"You don't always get what you want. Besides, why I tried to commit suicide, and don't think I'm grateful you stopped me, should be pretty obvious."

Shocked faces all around, they don't know I can sarcastic or harsh. Tragic. I'm done pretending, they'll just have to deal with that. If I want to snap I will, my life, my rules. Even Ren is openly gob smacked; I'd expected a retort from him already.

"Yoh-kun…" Manta may not have said much, and it wasn't very loud, but it was enough to snap everyone out of their stupor. Pity really.

"When did you get so obnoxious? Don't think I'm going to let you get away with that Yoh!" I'm obnoxious? Anna ought to take a look at herself in the mirror.

"To be blunt Anna, you don't have a choice in the matter."

More goldfish expressions, aren't I doing well today? Really, what did they expect, that I'd be all happy and bouncy or something? Actually, they probably did… Well, I think I'm going to take my leave now, I feel fine and if it really has been months, I should have healed completely by now. I'm not really a fan of hospitals and I don't really feel like being stuck in this sterile room with all of them. Not that I expect they'll be particularly happy about me walking out, and I can't really see them leaving me alone either. It's such a pain, I would have much preferred for them not to be here when I woke up. Of course, it wasn't all bad, I would have believed that my dream had been real for quite a while longer had they not been here. Though right now I wish it were, even if Hao had done all of that, I'd rather be with him. Still, according to my dream, they are good friends; maybe I should give them a chance, rather than just being bitchy.

"Yoh, what…?" Ren is speechless? Hm, how very unusual that is. Hey, I wonder if that was real? Should I have some fun with this? No, no, mustn't do that, I don't want to encourage him; that would be bad.

"I'm going now, and no, I don't feel like talking."

Right, I've got everything I should have and I'm dressed, so it should be okay to leave. I think I'll go out the window; it's less hassle, less walking and makes it harder for everyone to follow me. I need time to think about everything and decide what to do. I wonder if I should try to kill myself again? I don't think I will, not for now anyway, I'm more agitated than depressed right now. I want niisan back and for things to be how they were in that dream, I don't want to be alone anymore… Nor do I want them harassing me, but it doesn't seem as though I'm going to get my way with any of it. This isn't fair at all…

"Yoh!" Trust Ren to follow me…he's such a pain sometimes.

"Nan desu ka? I'm busy." It is true; I've got lots of thinking to do, that and the fact that I really don't want to talk to any of them.

"Yoh…what is this all about? Why have you changed so much so suddenly?"

Suddenly? Baka. "It isn't sudden at all Ren, it's that none of you idiots bothered to see how much had changed. I'm through protecting you all and making myself miserable for it. I'm going to behave however I feel like, regardless."

He's stunned, how sweet…or not. Really, I wonder when I became so sarcastic…oh well; it isn't as if really matters anyway. This is all such a pain, why did they have to interfere? Couldn't they just let me die? Wasn't it obvious I didn't want to be 'saved'? I was depressed for a reason; it isn't as if putting me in hospital for a while was going to make everything better. After that dream, things are worse than they were before. I really loved being with him…I wonder if it could ever have been real, or if it was just my subconscious trying to make me happy. Though, I think I was still a little too depressed for that statement to be quite accurate. Do I really love Hao like that? It all felt real enough, but still… I do think it was a mix of wishful thinking and depression at work, everything I wanted in front of me, but I still couldn't keep it. I wonder if I really think so lowly of my family, and them of me. Would they try to kill me if I chose to be with Hao? Yes, I expect they probably would, they're too afraid of the consequences.

"Yoh. You seemed almost disappointed Hao wasn't there. I don't think anyone else noticed, if you're worried, but, why was it the case? What were you dreaming about?"

Guess I was wrong on that account then, someone did notice after all. "Just things, things I wanted…"

"You're depressed about what happened. You kept saying you wouldn't kill anyone, but in the end you had no choice. No matter what he did, he was your twin and you cared for him. Right?"

Hm, Ren does have some common sense. "Yes, that's right. I've regretted it since, but I never let on, for their sakes. How could they understand me missing him?"

"Yoh…I'm sorry Yoh, I should've spoken to you about this sooner, you shouldn't have suffered alone for so long."

Ano…is he…maybe it wasn't all wrong after all…I'm pretty sure he's hitting on me…I hope not, I don't think I want to have to…Ahh! Not good, not good! What do I do? He's kissing me! What do I do?

"Ren?" For the first time ever, I'm glad to have Anna around.

"What do you want itako?" Um…okay, what is going on? Ren isn't normally…

"Stop taking advantage of my fiancé Tao!"

"Why should I? You certainly take advantage enough."

"Mo ii! No one is going to be taking advantage! Leave me alone!" Time to run away I think…

I can't believe he did that… Some friend he is, to treat me like that, I mean really, how could he try to take advantage of me? He even admitted he was to Anna! What has been going on while I've been unconscious, and blissfully oblivious? Baka na Tao, I feel really sick now because of him. Yuck, yuck, yuck! Not nice at all… Is it really any wonder I'm suicidal? Well, obviously they don't seem to think there's a problem, but they're either crazy or completely oblivious, most fall under the latter, but some of them are more likely to be the former…

I miss niisan…I don't want him to be dead. Why did I have to dream all that? As if it wasn't bad enough before! Stupid head for doing that to me… Hao, I'm so sorry, but you know, I really had no other choice. I couldn't let you win, especially when you completely snapped… Do you hate me for fighting you, or for even existing in the first place? I suppose you have every right to hate me after what I did, but I really hope you don't. I really wish that it could have been real, that you could love me, despite everything that happened. Is that selfish of me? I'm meant to be with Anna, aren't I? I don't love her though; I can barely stand being in the same room as her anymore. They all expect too much of me, while thinking too little of me, hypocrites… I understand why you don't like people niisan, Ren and Anna have caused problems too, but you were on a much bigger scale. I managed to stop them, just by being myself, but I could never manage that with the one who should have mattered most. I failed you in the worst way possible, I really am truly sorry for that Hao, but I tried my hardest, that's all I could do.

"Yoh-sama?" That voice…Mari?

It is, I don't believe it… "Ya Mari. Daijoubu desu ka?"

"Mari is…I'm fine, thank you. Are you? You seem a little upset?"

She spoke normally; I didn't expect her to do that. "To be honest, I've been pretty depressed, since then. Guilt kind of eats at you…"

"Guilt? For Hao-sama?" Understanding, but also confusion, odd…

"Aa. It's, complicated."

"It's okay Yoh-sama, I understand and I'm glad to know that you don't hate Hao-sama."

I can't help but smile, it must be the first time I've smiled properly in a long time. I don't think I should really like her as much as I do; most of it is because of that dream, which I should hardly be treating as fact… I can't help it, I just feel attached to Hanagumi now.

"I'd better be going, I need some time to think and if I stay still too long they'll find me. Take care Mari, and the same to Macchi and Kanna."

She didn't expect that, but she actually smiled. I'm glad I could give her something to feel happy about. Maybe it's not completely hopeless after all. Mari is really quite pretty when she smiles, she should do it more often, maybe she wouldn't be so lonely and bored then. I'm sure people would give her a lot of attention if she gave them the option. I know they've had a hard time with people; most shamans do because we're different, but not all people are like that. Actually, I wonder what she was doing here; the girls don't have any ties here. Well, it isn't any of my business; I need to find a place to hide so I can sulk for a while.

Night already, how long have I been here I wonder? Should I go back? They'll be worried about me but I'm not sure I'm ready to go back and deal with them yet. I'm just starting to get my head sorted out; I don't want all my hard work to be ruined again. They seem to cause for more problems then they solve and I really don't feel comfortable being anywhere near Ren, or Anna for that matter. I'm not a toy to be played with, I don't want either of them using me, though Ren was right on one point, she has been taking advantage for a long time now. Still, I'm stronger and more determined now, real or not, my dream showed me what real love is, and I won't settle for anything less. I'm not nearly so suicidal as I was, nor am I as depressed after my meeting with Mari, she really cheered me up. Assuming I can work out the rest of the problems, I should be able to get on with everything just fine.

Back 'home', am I really ready to go inside and face everyone? No, not by any means, but I will anyway. It isn't really as though I can put it off and it isn't fair on them, as much as they're annoying me right now, none of this is really their fault after all. Must be as well behaved as the situation will allow, but not mess my head up further. Best of luck to me then, ne?

"Yoh-kun! O-genki desu ka?"

"Genki desu, Manta. Daijoubu."

"Yoh, we were so worried. Where have you been?" Huh? Is this really Anna?

"Ano, gomen Anna, I needed some time to think." This is scary. Anna isn't caring, ever.

"That's understandable. Have you eaten? Do you need anything?" Okay, this is officially really, really scary…

"I, uh, no, I'm fine, thanks." I really didn't expect this. I wonder why she's acting like this? It isn't like Anna at all. "I'm going to call it a night, okay?"

"Of course, you must be worn out. Goodnight Yoh, sleep well."

"Hai, arigato. O-yasumi nasai minna."

That was very strange indeed. I wonder why Anna is acting so out of character? Is it because of what I did? No, she was still yelling at the hospital. It could be because of Ren's action, or a mixture of everything. She could have been instructed to be careful with me to make sure I don't feel the need to try it again. The latter probably makes the most sense of those. Never mind, it doesn't matter right now, I need to get some sleep.

(-)

"Ototo…" Hao? Where is he?

"Niisan?"

"Are you okay Yoh? Your life essence waned considerably a few months ago."

"I…Yes Hao, I'm fine. Does it matter?"

"Perhaps. You don't seem afraid anymore, nor angry. What has changed?"

"A lot. Is the real Hao? Are you alive?"

"You shall have to wait a while for an answer ototo. Goodbye."

Hao… Don't leave me, please? I don't want you to go. He doesn't seem to be angry with me but… I wonder if this has anything to do with Mari? Or this could just be more wishful thinking on my behalf…he couldn't be alive after what I did… Hao, I want you to stay with me. Please don't leave me all alone again; I can't stand this… Why do I have to go through this? I hate crying all the time because of you! No, this isn't real, you're dreaming, calm down and think happy thoughts, nan to ko nare…

Happy thoughts…ano…actually, this is harder than I thought. Hao makes me happy, but he also makes me sad. I seem to have lost most of what I had, I was happy, I found so many things enjoyable, but now, I can't think of anything enjoyable. Why do I have to be able to think so much, even when I'm sleeping? No, more annoying, why do I get so upset and cry all the time? I shouldn't be able to do this I should just sleep normally! It's not fair…

"Hao…" I love you so much. Why does this have to hurt so much? Why can't we just be happy? After everything we've been through, don't we deserve that much?

"Mari wasn't joking was she? You're so different from before Yoh-sama!" Macchi? What is going on? Is this real?

"You tried to kill yourself? Is that true?" Kanna too?

"Yes, I did." Might as well tell the truth.

Mari is here as well, so all of Hanagumi are here. I wonder why? They all seem quite unnerved by my answer… Does it really matter? None of that was real, so we have no ties to each other. They shouldn't care what I do, so long as…well; from Hao's point of view I suppose it is relevant, but if they're worried, does that mean Hao really is okay? Should I really want that so badly? I can't help it, I've tried not to care, but I do.

"Yoh-sama…Doshite?" Why? Shouldn't that be obvious Mari? Because I wanted to die, I wanted the pain to go away once and for all and that was the only way I could achieve that, the only way I could be free.

"Why do you seem more comfortable with us than your own friends?" Kanna is always so blunt.

"Who knows? Maybe because you're not harassing me?" Or because for three months I've been living a lie courtesy of my sub-conscious…

"You've become a liar now ototo?" Hao's come back.

"I don't know that the statement was a lie, it just wasn't complete. But then, it doesn't matter either way. What does matter, is whether this is real or not."

"What if it were? Would you run and tell everyone your 'psychotic other-half' is alive? Once you woke up, of course." You're the empath Hao; you should know the answer to that.

"No. I'd ask you if you hated me, and if you said no, I'd be able to stop feeling so guilty about everything."

He didn't expect that, did Mari not explain? Or did he just not expect me to admit it so easily, so openly? Silence. He doesn't know what to say, or how to say it. I didn't realise it was so easy to confuse him; surely he should have known all this already? My emotions are pretty open without empathy to help. Niisan can be really difficult to understand, he never seems to know what I think he should.

"Your answer will have to wait ototo. You need to wake up now."

Huh? What? Why? I don't want to! I want- "Ahh!" What is he trying to do! I didn't realise Ren was such a pervert! Okay, so Hao was right, I really did need to wake up, before Ren did something I really don't want him to. It's bad enough that he's kissed me.

"Yoh, what's…" Anna. I guess more yelling is to ensue then. "Tao Ren! Who do you think you are! Get away from Yoh now! Better yet, get out of our house and stay gone for good!"

Yup, definitely more yelling. Ren doesn't look even remotely phased by it however. "No, I don't think I will itako."

Wait, Hao is the one who calls Anna 'itako' all the time, not Ren. Why the sudden change? What has been going on while I was in a coma? Or, is this not real either? Or, is this the 'dream' and the other was real? I'm confusing myself; I don't think that's a good idea. Kind of worrying that it's so easy to do as well. Forget that; get away from Ren before he molests you! Again… Why does this have to happen to me? Am I really that attractive? Well, Hao is gorgeous, so I guess I must be pretty good-looking since we're twins. That's beside the point! He's supposed to be my friend; he shouldn't be trying things like that, especially in such a pervert-stalker-rapist style… I'm beginning to wonder whether this is all in my head, reality seems to have lost any meaning, how do I know what is real and what isn't? I guess I'll just have to go with it and concentrate a little more, before the hentai does something I don't want him to… This is such a pain. Though on the bright side, I don't have time to be depressed because of him being so crude. Yay, I can still be optimistic after all, maybe everything really will be okay after all.

(-)

Well, at least I had a nice nights sleep after all that, no more thinking and no more Ren. Anna went mad at him and kicked him out. It was quite comical to watch and cheered me up a treat. He hasn't reappeared since then; I expect Anna wounded his pride. I can't help but wonder about that dream, the way it played out, could it have been real? I want to believe it was, I really do, but at the same time, I know I'm expecting too much, what I experienced when I was in a coma wasn't real, but those thoughts and feelings won't go away. Even though I know none of it happened, none of it fits, I keep forgetting that I don't have any ties to any of them, the girls are just the same and I can't see Hao the same way I did before, it's all so confusing. It's wrong too, I can't really love him like that, can I? He's my twin, the other half of my soul, it's just wrong, it's incest and that's illegal. But still…despite that…

Human laws have no meaning on these matters, it's foolish and one cannot help whom they love. We cannot have children and that is why the law is in place, so it shouldn't matter. Whether I want to accept it or not, whether I would rather believe that I love Anna, as she and my parents would like, I cannot deny what I'm feeling. I cannot deny that I do love him, even if I shouldn't, I do. Nothing will change that, no matter how hard we may try to. Now I sound more like Hao…

Another day, more dealing with people who are about ready to drown me in sympathy, so much fun, still, it shows they care at least. I'm feeling much better too, I'm not depressed or angry, so that's got to be a good sign and I'm feeling more positive, which is a definite relief. I don't like being miserable, it goes against my nature, I like things to be easy-going, to take life one day at a time and enjoy it as much as I can. Speaking of enjoyment, I'm hungry; I wonder what there is to eat? I want something really nice…maybe I should go and buy ice cream or something? No, I don't expect Anna would let me do that. Um…what's sweet that I could get away with eating? I think I got sent a recipe for pancakes; Americans eat those for breakfast, right? I wonder if Anna would let me get away with making those? I'm sure I could get away with that; we ate enough Chinese food when Ren was around after all. Though mentioning Ren would probably be a bad idea… Oh well, I'll have to try to convince her; I want to be able to eat sugar.

"O-hayo gozaimasu Yoh. O-genki desu ka?" Anna is still acting overly caring. Strange, but actually, I quite like it. If she was nice, though not quite this nice, all the time, I probably could love her.

"O-hayo. Genki desu. Anata wa?"

"Sugoi. Would you like something to eat? I'll get Horo to make you something?"

Ahh, and here I thought she was going to surprise me by doing it herself, she has done once, so I know she can. Oh well, never mind.

"I was thinking I might try making pancakes, if that's okay?"

"Yes, of course. You're feeling well enough to cook?"

"Shouldn't be too hard. Thanks for asking though Anna. Ne, you want any?"

"That would be nice. Arigato Yoh."

Wow, Anna actually knows how to smile. She's quite pretty… Damn, no good, she hasn't got anything on Hao; this isn't working at all... I'm not meant to have feelings for him! I'm supposed to love her! I don't think my subconscious or heart care about those facts in the least…why does everything always have to be difficult? This isn't fair! No, I'm only thinking this way because of something that didn't even happen, it won't do me any good, I have to stop thinking nonsense, Anna is my fiancée, Hao is nothing to do with us.

Right, nice selection of pancakes, nice, quiet setting, this will be a lovely breakfast with my beautiful fiancée. I don't intend to have any problems or interruptions; we're just going to have a pleasant morning together, as we should. Actually, these are very nice, Anna seems to be enjoying them too, that's good. No yelling, no glares, no threats, no training, this is much nicer than usual.

"That was lovely, thank you."

"Aa. It was nice, I'm glad we did this Anna."

"So am I. You know, nearly losing you really frightened me…I'm sorry Yoh, for not being nicer to you. Do you forgive me?"

"Anna…of course, it's okay. I think it taught us both a valuable lesson."

"Yoh, will you, I want…kiss me?"

I…go on, do it Yoh, you have to. This is your fiancée, you owe her that much. This is the way things are supposed to be. How bad could it really be? Anna is trusting you with her real self for the first time ever. You can't ignore that; just comply with her request already! So different from Hao…I never expected her to be so forward, so demanding. I don't know that I like having her tongue exploring my mouth, but I'll have to do this, I just need to get used to it, that's all. This is going so fast, I can't believe we're in the bedroom already. This is too rushed, too needy, shouldn't we do this properly? No, if this is what she needs, I have to give it to her; this is for both of us, for our future. So different…yami no! That wasn't real! Anna is lying beneath you, pleasuring you and looking absolutely stunning, so stop thinking about him! You don't love him and he could never care for you! Just stop it! Concentrate on her and making this as good for her as you can, that's all that matters right now. Anna should mean everything to me; I have to make that real. I can't keep this up; I mustn't keep hurting us for something so stupid.

"Anna…"

"That was wonderful Yoh. I love you so much."

"I'm glad. Get some rest Anna. I'm going to get a shower quickly, and then I'll be back. Okay?"

"Sure thing Yoh. Don't keep me waiting too long."

I can't, I feel, I'm going to be sick…I don't… Why am I crying? I shouldn't feel sick, I should be happy! I feel so dirty…this isn't…why do I feel so guilty? This isn't how it's supposed to be! I love her! I do! I have to… Why won't the tears stop? Why won't the water make me clean? What's wrong with me? I did what she wanted, why aren't I happy that I made her smile? Why did her words sting me so much? I should be glad she loves me. I'm such a horrible person, I don't deserve… A knife? Why is that in here? Should I? No, I shouldn't, I know, but…I want to so badly, I hate this so much. I have to; I have to end this, before I hurt everyone even more.

"No Yoh, naughty boy." That voice…

"Niisan?" He really is…

"You actually let her manipulate you into sleeping with her? You know, she's probably pregnant and doesn't want you to find out she's been sleeping around…"

"Hao!" That isn't funny, not at all! Anna wouldn't…no, I don't know anything for sure, but I don't care either.

"Shh now ototo." My Hao, back protecting me again, it feels so good to be wrapped in his embrace again. No, not again, it wasn't real… "It was as real as you want it to be Yoh. You and I are linked together, I know everything you went through and really, you were very close to getting most things right."

"Hao…" I shouldn't, but I need to. I need more, I want to taste him, not her, I want him to make me feel clean again, to make me forget that ever happened. I need this so much. Hao is so perfect, I love him so much, I don't care whether I should or not, I do.

"I have to go now, I'll come back tonight though. Survive that long for me. I want to take you away with me Yoh, think about it."

I have to survive an entire day, alone, with Anna, without wanting to kill myself for what I did? No fair… Still, I feel absolutely fantastic right now, niisan is so perfect, being intimate with him is like a dream; everything feels so wonderful. I feel really content right now, but, that isn't going to last very long, I have to go back to Anna soon. Why did I have to let her make me think I had to sleep with her? Oh, yeah, I'm a depressive, suicidal head case, that would about explain it. Why does everyone have to take advantage of me? Why couldn't Hao take me with him now? Or just have let me slit my wrists and be done with it… No, wait, then I wouldn't have made love with him, damn, maybe it is better he stopped me after all. I'm far too addicted to him…

"Yoh! Anna!" Saved by Horo, thank goodness I didn't have to go back to bed with her. Just the thought of it makes me shudder. Still, it was my own idiocy…

"Ya Horo." No fair, I don't look that funny, why is he laughing at me?

"Gomen Yoh. You just, look, like a, girl, with your, hair, like that."

I do not look like a girl! He's laughing even more now, is that because I started pouting? Stupid Horo… Faust, Manta, Ryu and even Ren are all here too. I wonder if Ren is whom Anna's been sleeping with? Actually, I think that may well be the case…scary…

"Something wrong Yoh-kun?" Opps, guess I shuddered. Trust Faust to notice… "Perhaps you're coming down with something?

"Iie. Genki desu."

"What shall we do today?" Gomen Manta, but I don't intend to play, not if Hao is going to save me. It wouldn't be fair to let you get close again, just for me to leave without a word.

"Decide without me, I need to do some training. Later."

"Matte. Why not train with us?" Mind your own business Ren; I don't much like you right now.

"Because I'm not interested in fighting or playing around. My body is out of condition so I need to put some effort in to undo that. Now if you'll excuse me…"

"Yoh, don't come back too late and don't push yourself too hard, you're still recovering." Anna's up, joy…guess I'd better be nice.

"Hai Anna, wakkatte. Daijoubu. Ja."

Yay, I'm free at last. Now, to get away from here and get some real training under way, my shaman abilities aren't nearly so strong as they should be, I need to study niisan's techniques a little harder to catch up with my dream self and I do very much intend to.

(-)

Well, that was surprisingly easy, I feel much more confident in my abilities now. Maybe Hao was right; the dream is as real as I want it to be. I definitely seem to have caught up in terms of skill. That's a point, I wonder if that part about the crystal was true… Could that really have happened? It isn't really very likely is it? Actually, I wouldn't put it past them; they really don't like Hao and don't want me to have anything to do with him. Ano…why is everyone looking at me like that? Something tells me they saw me training…great.

"Yoh, why didn't you want to train with the boys?" Yeah, they definitely saw me. Anna's lost her 'I love you' façade and looks about ready to kill me…

"Because I wanted to train by myself." It's not a lie; it just doesn't contain all the information she wanted.

"Yoh! Why are you learning those things!" Yeah, she's definitely about ready to kill me.

"Because I want to. I thought the idea was to be the best? Wasn't that what you wanted?" Now she doesn't know what to say, because that is what she was trying to achieve. Besides, everyone decided I should learn Hao's Chou Senji Ryakettsu, why is this so different? Really, they're such hypocrites…

"Aren't you worried?" Now Ryu, really, why would I be?

"Shaman abilities are shaman abilities, what should it matter who discovered them? If Hao hadn't someone else would have eventually. Just because he used them in the wrong way doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with the techniques themselves."

"So why hide away?" I knew Ren would ask me that. He's trying to trip me up, now that I've admitted I feel bad about what happened.

"Because it's linked to Hao, so everyone automatically disapproves. It was easier just to train by myself and frankly, it made it far easier to learn it without any interference."

He seems impressed with my answer, and the fact that I didn't slip at all. It's much less trouble for me at least. I'm glad Hao came, or I wouldn't have been quite so sure of myself and I may well have shown that I care rather more than I should. I already know how much trouble that causes… Yuck, that reminded me of Ren and Anna, I can't believe they've both kissed me, much less that I slept with her. Ohh, now I feel sick again…

"Yoh-dono, why couldn't I come?" Ano…I don't know Amidamaru…

"I just wanted to be by myself for a while, that's all."

"You're shutting us all out Yoh-kun!" Wow, Manta actually yelled at me.

"Maybe." With that one nonchalant word, it's time to go to my room and avoid them all until Hao saves me. Wishful thinking, I know, but hey, at least I'm being optimistic.

"Yoh. Come down and talk to us!" I don't think so Anna. I'm not staying; I won't let you tie me down. I want to leave with niisan.

"I'm not interested in being harassed over matter that are no one else's business. Thanks all the same though. Now be good little boys and girls and leave me alone."

When did I become so patronising? No, actually that's easy, it was about a month before I tried to kill myself, at that point I really didn't care for anything. I never said anything out loud though, so it still didn't do me much good, which is why I just snapped and decided enough was enough. Still, I don't suppose it really matters, I am who I am, whether they like it or not.

I wonder when Hao is going to come back? I don't want to stay with Anna or Ren any longer than I have to. I wonder what things will be like with him though? What does he want? Who is he with? What does he expect from me? No, I really need to stop doing this to myself. Nan to ko nare.

"Ototo. Are you going to come willingly?" Yay, Hao is here!

"Hai niisan." Of course I will, you already know that.

"Good. The girls will be pleased. How do you intend to do this?"

"Just leave. The less they know the better."

"You're not afraid of what I might do?" Playful, even though it's linked to what happened before, at the faux tournament, but also definitely an innuendo for other 'matters'.

"I can take care of myself." I'll ignore the flirting, for now.

"Can you now?" Definite flirting now, as if the tone wasn't enough, he seems to have deemed pinning me to the wall a necessity, not that I mind…

Why does he have to tease? A few kisses up my neck and staring at me just doesn't cut it, and he knows it. He's enjoying torturing me far too much… I suppose this is my own fault for making that comment. Now, do I be good and stay patient, or should I make the effort to prove myself right? If I do that, we might make a little too much noise and I don't want-

"Hao, won't they know you're here?"

No fair, I'm being laughed at again…he does have a very nice laugh though, so maybe I don't really mind. "No. If that were the case, they would have come up already. I still have a few tricks no one knows. Though I must say, I'm impressed by just how much you've improved and so quickly…"

I got a compliment, yay. Maybe he felt bad for laughing at me, I do have a habit of pouting. "Well, if I can, I should, it makes my life easier in the long run.

What is-oh no, Amidamaru… "Yoh-dono!"

What am I supposed to do now? "Damaru. Daijoubu."

"It's okay? I don't understand Yoh-dono."

"You don't need to understand. I'm leaving with niisan and would appreciate you not telling them. We don't need all the bother."

"Before you start trying to protest, he will just end up killing himself if he stays. I had to stop him from cutting his wrists earlier as it is." Now, why did Hao have to say that? I don't need any reminders of what I did…

"After seeing Anna-dono? She put something in what you were eating I think. She and Ren were 'comforting' each other while you were gone; I think she did it because she got scared… Hao, do you really intend to care for Yoh-dono?"

"Yes. Yoh is mine; it would do me no good to treat him like they do. This is what we both need."

"Yoh-dono seems much happier with you, I must admit… Very well, I won't say anything to them, on that you have my word. Best of luck, Yoh-dono."

That was nice of him to say, I know this must be hard to accept. "Arigato Amidamaru, and the same to you, and Mosuke."

"Ready for a new life, ototo?" Does Hao really need to ask?

"Yes. Let's go."

I feel safe and content, and special, niisan always makes me feel so good about everything. I really am so very glad things have worked out this way. Maybe I do get a happy ending after all. We can both just disappear off the face of the planet and forget about all our worries. So long as they don't know Hao is alive and we make sure they can't find us, everything should work out well. This is definitely for the best, nan to ko nare.


End file.
